Criticals and Fumbles Chart

Got a 20?:

Enemy dies of rapid onset metal allergy.

You pet monster tenderly and it decides to follow you for 1d4 hours without aggression.

Target looses 1d4 strength.

The monster goes to heal himself but heals you instead.  You are now fully healed.

You gain darkvision permantly.

Monster is blinded for 1d4 rounds.

Target is transformed into a small statue for 1d6 rounds.

Your weapon does 6d6 damage on next successful attack.

Cast works, effect is doubled.

Target looses 1d4 wisdom.

Spell or Weapon hits as 2d6 levels higher.

A 12' iron statue of the caster rises from the ground. (distracts the monster).

AC goes up by +4 permanently.

All party members gain +1 each stat.  permanently.

Target looses half HP and are considered bloodied.

Target Dies.

Target is stunned for 1d4 rounds.

Caster gains 1d4 stat loss to a random stat.  Effect lasts 1d4 rounds.

Weapon becomes intelligent.

Caster ages 1d6 years.

Spell effectiveness (range, duration, AoE, damage, etc.) increased by 500%.  1 round only.

All enemies take 75 damage.  No saves.

Next party member that dies is brought back to life fully healed with no losses.  lasts infinitely until used.

You gain knowledge to craft a Ring of Invisibility.  however, once it has been made, the knowledge is forgotten.  The ring will grant invisibility for 1d4 hours.  Knowledge can be transferred by scroll, but scroll will be lost when learning, and again, knowledge will be lost once the ring is crafted.

You frighten the target for 1d4 rounds.  Spells and attacks work as normal.

All magic items on all party members are fully charged.

All players gain 1d4 to each stat permanently.

For monsters and villagers and just for fun:

You attempt to pick pocket, but pull down his pants instead.

Merchant notices blood on your item and refuses to buy it.

Your lies are misinterpreted and you are now believed to be a Serial Killer.

You introduce yourself as a Disney princess.

The nearest village sinks into the ground.

Gravity doubles for the next 1d4 rounds.

All water within a mile evaporates.  All life feels dehydrated.  -5 to each subsequent roll hereafter until fresh water is consumed.

Nearest shrub, bush, tree bursts into flames.

A flock of rabbits fly by.  Yes, rabbits... with wings.  They fly in the air past you.

The nearest lake drains mysteriously.

All gold in a 200ft radius vanishes.

Stars are visible during the daytime for next 1d12 days.

Random artifact appears in vicinity.

A town emerges from the ground half a mile away.  (It is populated by living dead.)

Large boulders fall from the sky.

A thick fog envelopes the region permanently.

The sun appears blood red until sundown.

All party member falls in love with the next person they meet for 24 hrs.

Reroll twice.  (nothing happens)

Two party members change bodies for 1d4 hours.

You feel compelled to ring a bell.  No other actions can be taken until the player can ring a bell.

You open a momentary portal to an elemental plane 1d4 for which, unless 1 is more suitable then the other in the current situation.

• 1 Air - You open a momentary portal to the Plane of Air and are accosted by a howling blast of air that deals a d4 of sonic damage for every level, to you and everyone within 10 ft.

• 2 Earth - you open a momentary portal to the Plane of Earth.  A large, irregular chunk of stone materializes near you and fragments, damaging everyone within five feet.  Roll 1d8 for the direction of this grenade like damage.  1 - behind you, 5 - behind you.  1d10 determines how far away.  d6 damage per level.

• 3 Water - you open a momentary portal to the Plane of Water.  You and everyone else within 5 feet is hit suddenly by a torrent of pure water.  there is no other effect beyond being drenched. (unless you were holding a torch)

• 4 Fire - You open a momentary portal to the Plan of Fire and are accosted by a gout of flame that deals a d6 of fire damage for every level.

Oh that sucks!:

Monster realizes it isn't hungry and it runs away.

1d4 Squirrels jump from the nearby tree to attack.

You sword flings forward and as you stumble your hand caresses the monster.  He is uncomfortable.

As you charge the monster, instead of a battle cry, the wind gets caught in your throat and it comes out as an offer to play go fish.

You sneeze at an inopportune time causing the spell/weapon to go awry.  Spell - all party members items are destroyed.  NO saves.  Weapon - nearby (10ft) party members take 1d4 damage.  NO saves.

Flowers shoot from your hands

Summon monster spell or Pet attack - monster or pet attacks the party instead.

Everyone in a 200ft radius is Silenced.  1d4 rounds.

You loose 1d4 intelligence. 1d4 rounds.

You loose 1d4 strength.  1d4 rounds.

Caster looses all spells for the rest of the day.

Spell functions as normal.

Targets attributes are shuffled.

2d12, caster is now the result's years younger.  If this causes the caster to be unborn... they poof out of existence.

Caster is teleported 200 ft away.  1d4: 1 = W, 2 = E, 3 = N, 4 = S.

Caster creates a mug of ale.

You are blinded for 1d4 rounds.

Your fire spell now does the effect with snow.

All gold in a 200ft radius vanishes.

2d6 40ft. stone spires shoot up from the ground.

You think the target is a deity for 1d4 hours.

The caster breaks wind.

Nothing happens for 2 rounds then 2d20 zombies of appropriate difficulty appear and attack the players.

Caster and another party member change bodies for 1d4 hours.

Caster is transformed into a stone troll for 1d4 rounds.

Caster's nose begins to bleed.

Caster thinks that fire will heal any injury.  This thought lasts until the caster sleeps for 2d6 hours.

Party is teleported to a 20x20 room with a blue police box in the room.

Spell is delayed for 1d4 rounds.

Caster suffers 1d4 stat loss to a random stat.  Effect lasts 1d4 rounds.

All magic effects and items are neutralized for 1d4 rounds.

You fall down unconscious for next 1d4 rounds.

The monster failed!:

The monster goes to crush your larynx and accidentally runs his fingers through your hair instead.

Monster is blinded for 1d4 rounds.

The monster goes to heal himself but heals you instead.  You are now fully healed.

All party members gain 1d6 x 1000 XP.

Dazed for 1d4 rounds.

Monster Crit:

All party members loose 1d6 x 1000 XP.

Target looses half HP and are considered bloodied.

Monster makes you smell like a skunk for 1d4 days.

Grow twice normal size.